The first time Serena Xu met Phoebe Feng was on the day of their freshman registration.
September sunlight had filtered through the trees casting a golden outline around the girl. Phoebe Feng had worn a simple white T-shirt and jeans, yet she looked like a model straight out of a fashion magazine. She turned around and held out her hand to Serena.
"Hi, I'm Phoebe Feng, Chemistry major."
"I—I'm in Chemistry too," Serena had stammered, suddenly aware of the sweat on her palms. She quickly wiped her hands on her pants before reaching out to shakePhoebe's hand.
That was the beginning of Serena's college life and the origin of her nightmare.
Three months later, Serena was curled up on the top bunk, hiding under the duvet’s cover and pressing her ears against the pillow. She couldn’t sleep and kept being startled by Phoebe's snoring from the bed below. It was 3:17 a.m. She stared at the time glowing on her phone screen, her eyes burning like they'd been rubbed with sandpaper. This was the seventh night in a row that Phoebe had returned after 1 a.m. She had made all kinds of noise—keys turning, her backpack hitting the floor, water rushing from the tap during her nightly routine.
Serena bit her lip until she tasted blood. She had an Organic Chemistry exam at 8 a.m.
"Serena, your dark circles are so bad."
At breakfast the next morning, another one of their roommates Lily Lin, handed her a cup of coffee with soy milk. "Didn't sleep again?"
Serena stirred the drink with a spoon and glanced over at Phoebe, who was sitting by the window of the dining hall. She was surrounded by a group of guys and seemed to be bathed in a golden glow. She was smiling as she talked and the boys around her all looked enchanted at her presence.
"It's Phoebe again," Serena muttered, swallowing down her drink. "She came back around two last night, and the noise she made kept me up all night.”
Lily exchanged a glance with their other roommate, Rachel Wang.
"She really is a bit much," Rachel said, pushing up her glasses. "Last week I was rushing a paper, and she started playing violin in the middle of the night. I told her to lower her volume, and she said, ‘Art needs inspiration, it can't be confined.’"
A flush of heat rose in Serena's chest. She didn’t know if it was sympathy towards her roommates’ frustrations or the difficulty of her own experiences.
"I heard she ranked first in the department for our midterms," Lily sighed. "The professors all adore her, even Professor Zhang, who's notoriously strict, let her help in the lab."
Serena dug her nails into her palm leaving curved indents. She remembered how her carefully proposed experiment was dismissed by Professor Zhang the day before Phoebe's casual suggestion had earned nods of the professor’s approval.
"So just because she gets good grades, she can do whatever she wants?" Serena's voice trembled. "Who does she think she is?"
Back in the dorm, Serena stood in front of Phoebe's bed. It was immaculately tidy, not a wrinkle in sight. Several violin competition certificates were pinned near the headboard. A framed family photo sat on her desk. Phoebe was in the middle, hugged tightly by her smiling parents. Serena picked up the frame and thought of her own home, with an alcoholic father and a ever disapproving mother.
"Serena?" Rachel's voice came from the doorway and she peered into the room. "What are you doing?"
Serena quickly set the frame down. As she turned, she knocked over Phoebe's water cup. Water spilled across the desk, soaking through several pages of notes that were left out.
"Crap!" Rachel rushed over to try and rescue the papers. "That's her report due tomorrow!"
Serena watched the ink blur and spread, the words merging and bleeding together. She didn’t move. A strange thrill welled up inside her. Let perfect little Phoebe have a taste of imperfection.
That night, Phoebe returned to find her report destroyed. For the first time, her face showed panic.
"How could this happen? It's due tomorrow.” She complained to Serena.
"Maybe the wind knocked over your cup," Serena said from her bed, not even looking up. "You should've kept it in a safer place"
Phoebe stayed up all night rewriting her report. The glow of her desk lamp kept Serena from sleeping, but this time, Serena felt a twisted sense of satisfaction.
The next day, Serena ran into Phoebe on her way to class.
"I know your report got messed up yesterday.” Serena said, hiding her grin. “Want me to talk to the professor for you?"
Phoebe shook her head. She had the typical calm smile that Serena hated. "It's okay, the professor gave me an extension."
Serena's smile froze.
Two weeks later, during their Chemistry lab, Serena's partner was absent, so she had to pair up with Phoebe. Professor Zhang assigned an experiment on the toxicity of heavy metals which involved using thallium compounds.
"Be careful," Phoebe said, putting on her gloves. She pointed at the lab’s instructions.
"Thallium is colorless, tasteless, but highly toxic. A few milligrams can be lethal."
Serena stared at the small collection of white powder sealed in the plastic bag. Her heart raced and thumped in her chest.
"It's really that powerful?"
"Yeah," Phoebe replied. She started measuring the solution, squinting at the bubbling liquid in the beaker and taking notes. Serena’s eyes did not leave the packet.
"There was a thallium poisoning case at Tsinghua in the 90s. The victim is still disabled. This stuff destroys the nervous system."
After the experiment Phoebe went to the restroom, leaving the materials unattended. When no one was looking, Serena slipped a small packet of thallium salts into her jean pocket. Her hand trembled violently, but inside, she felt unusually calm, as if she'd finally found the answer.
That evening, only Serena, Lily, and Rachel were in the dorm. As usual Phoebe was out at violin practice.
"She threw her wet towel on my bed again," Lily complained, crossing her arms. "How many times have I told her not to do that?"
"She doesn't see us at all," Rachel scoffed. "She's the campus queen. Why would she care about commoners like us?"
Serena looked at her roommates’ angry expressions. "We should teach her a lesson."
"What kind of lesson?" Lily asked curiously.
Serena pulled out the packet from Chemistry lab, lightly shaking the contents.
"This will make her sick for a few days. Nothing serious, just enough to make her miss class and shut up for once."
Rachel's face went pale. "That's… that's thallium? Are you insane? That could kill someone!"
"Not in small amounts," Serena said with an eerie calmness to her expression. "I looked it up. Trace amounts just cause temporary discomfort. She's healthy. She'll recover after a few days of rest."
Lily hesitated. "But…"
"Think about how she treats us," Serena's voice slithered into their ears like a snake. "Waking us up in the middle of the night, hogging the bathroom, showing off her grades and awards. Who does she think she is?"
Silence fell. Serena saw the struggle in their eyes as they weighed their morals, but more than that, the dark glint of a long-suppressed resentment.
"Just… just a little?" Lily finally whispered.
"Of course," Serena smiled. "Just enough for a short break."
Phoebe's water cup sat on the desk. It was printed and decorated with an image of Vienna's Golden Hall. She had bought it the previous summer from a souvenir store during a youth music exchange program. Every time Serena saw it, she felt the familiar twinge of anger in her stomach.
At 1 a.m., Phoebe tiptoed into the dark dorm. Serena wasn't asleep. She listened to the sounds of Phoebe taking a shower and brushing her teeth, her heart pounding the entire time. When silence returned, Serena quietly climbed down from her bed.
Moonlight spilled through the room’s curtains, casting twisted shadows across the walls. Serena's hands no longer shook. She reached under her pillow, took out the powder, and poured it into the cup. She stirred it with a ballpoint pen from Phoebe's desk until the mixture was transparent.
After finishing, she stood by Phoebe's bed and gazed at her peaceful, sleeping face. She was still beautiful even in slumber. Once, she had adored this girl. When they first started college, she had even secretly snapped a photo of Phoebe. She had proudly showed the picture to her high school friends, exclaiming that her roommate was the Chemistry department's goddess.
What had changed? Was it the ignored conversations? The endless comparisons in grades? Always fading to the background at parties? Or was it just the light Phoebe carried with her, impossible to look at directly without being blinded?
Serena gently brushed Phoebe's hair, as if comforting a friend. The girl frowned slightly in her sleep.
"After tomorrow," Serena whispered silently, "they'll finally see me."
Back in bed, Serena felt an unprecedented calm and a peaceful tranquility in her heart. Tomorrow morning, Phoebe would wake up, drink the water, and everything would change. Serena closed her eyes and for the first time in a while, fell asleep immediately.
She dreamed of standing under a single spotlight, thunderous applause surrounding her.
No one mentioned Phoebe Feng again.